Here's what I would do ...

Something to think about coming into 2024

I think one of my favourite reflections from this year is when someone told me that “truly successful people never compete.” When reflecting on this deeply, it becomes apparent that this is more pertinent than ever in today’s world. I know you’ve probably heard it left, right and center, how social media corners you into a spiral of comparison and competition. Today more than ever we are exposed to everyone’s successes thanks to the internet. Heck, sometimes you feel like you’re competing against the entire world. How can we keep up with the innumerable amounts of people getting job promotions, graduating, travelling, buying houses, getting married, having babies and so on. Sometimes what others are achieving might not even be our goals, but subconsciously their achievements give us the illusion that they are way ahead in life and we won't be able to catch up. Not just the milestones, we are even comparing how our day should look like in comparison to these ‘highly successful’ people. Our day has to be full, productive and fun to keep up. We absorb so much of others' wins that we may start doubting our own wins. Am I doing enough? Are my life decisions even right? Am I actually living? The sense of competitiveness increases and is subconsciously forced upon us, slowly building inside of us until we may feel that we aren’t living up to our potential.

 Staying away from mediums that provoke our heightened sense of competitiveness might be a good idea, however, what happens when you go back to the source that makes you feel an unhealthy sense of competition? There's no way to eliminate it. Ultimately those negative feelings rush back and devour our being. Now, negative competition stems from our success being predicated based on others' failure. We may believe that there is a limited supply of success and that if I don’t get my piece now it’s gone forever. Our minds begin scrambling quick ways to reach a level of success comparable to theirs, ultimately trying, perhaps failing, and thinking that ‘I am not destined for success.’  Everywhere we go, you’ll find people doing things that you do and many will be better than us. But, how can we change the negative connotation associated with competitiveness and not allow it to alter our emotions negatively?

We try to distance ourselves from this thought, but life is not linear despite what society tries to make us think. The outer accomplishments that people display to the world do not mean that they are necessarily ahead. How many celebrities have we heard of that on the outside possess all the material worldly successes possible, but are very depressed or on the verge of suicide.

It's easier said than done, that ‘it's only competitive when you allow it to be’, however it's true. We need to tackle the inner thoughts before looking at the outer solutions. You have to directly look at your negative thoughts and attempt to make peace with them. Let them flow but don’t let them consume. I know it's easy at a conceptual level, to logically reason with yourself, although, arguing with your feelings is another story.  The emotional roller coaster is ever-constant. How can you even aim for the sky if the first ingredients in your ‘reaching success’ recipe are self-doubt, self-doubt, and more self-doubt.

I once read that ‘we should aspire to be kind with our self-assessment’ and it stuck with me ever since. Practice to distance yourself from the ego. Mindfulness activities are a great way to start. Go volunteer, for a walk, meditate, pray, do community work or watch a documentary that shows people with completely different living than you. Sometimes focusing on humbling and grounding activities makes us realise that the world is equally filled with people that have complex stories and ones that are similar to us. Getting out of our cocoon when we are feeling stuck is definitely beneficial in this case. You might even find that you have less time to compare yourself when you are immersed in activities that make you feel truly alive.

If it's in your control, then push yourself within your means to better yourself in whatever it may be. Let’s say you compared yourself and you feel that they are better than you. Why should you stay the same if you feel that they are better than you?  Embark on that wonky road of steady improvement. Truly successful people create and are busy with their results. Whenever that negative comparison try to remember that you are really in competition with yourself. They have succeeded in their own thing. So what? Do your own thing. The least you can do is honour the best in yourself.

Keep competing with yourself, you are your toughest competition. We are all running our own race. So run your race at your own pace.

On a sweet note, there is no specific time to eat cookies, so let’s get baking.